We're having a studio sale next Saturday from 10am as we are moving to a new HQ! Lots of plus size vintage, fabric, sequin-age, accessories, party stuff, paint, tinsel wigs, lightbulbs, shiny sh*t, merch, art, badges and Scottee cast offs! All under £10. Email studio@scottee.co.uk for the info if you fancy popping down!


My ego sometimes likes to believe that the internet cares terribly that I haven't updated my blog #FirstWorldProblems. 

There is lots of stuff going on, some of which belongs to you or you have paid for so it's only right I give you the lowdown.

The Worst of Scottee
It's back! That fucking show will be the death of me but because so many of you asked so nicely I'm doing a farewell UK tour and a second run in Melbourne. Some of these dates are on sale already and eager marketing people want me to tell you about them.

Manchester - http://contactmcr.com/whats-on/24693-the-worst-of-scottee/
London -  http://www.roundhouse.org.uk/whats-on/2014/the-worst-of-scottee-2/
Melbourne - http://www.melbournefringe.com.au/fringe-festival/show/the-worst-of-scottee/
Belfast and Colchester to follow

Liam Gallagher is my Grandad
Grandad has had a bit of a health blip recently so we are slightly behind on making work. We are also waiting to hear if some telly people are going to put it on the telly. Merch has been ordered and we're waiting for t shirts, badges and prints to land in the next few weeks!

You can check his progress on http://realliamgallagher.co.uk

We're back on our favourite island with our favourite friends at Bestival. Of course it would be all too easy to just rock up with a backing CD and knock out a few numbers! This year we have 4 special offerings!

Camp - Fri/Sat Night - http://2014.bestival.net/line-up/artists/scottees-camp
Drag - Fri/Sat Night - http://2014.bestival.net/line-up/artists/drag
Cliché - Thursday Night - http://2014.bestival.net/line-up/artists/cliche
Roundhouse Youth Show - http://2014.bestival.net/line-up/artists/variety-variety

Kitchen Sink Drama
IdeasTap and I are looking for new writers who want to bypass posting their scripts to theatres and programmers and instead present their text in the homes of leading theatre producers and artistic directors. We’re looking for innovative texts that can work in people’s kitchens, living rooms, or even toilets. The program is open to anyone under 30. 

Apply within - http://www.ideastap.com/Opportunities/Brief/Kitchen-Sink-Drama-010914#Overview

My variety baby is making it's main house debut at Roundhouse this Saturday. We have a live band, a group of pensioners singing Queen, a drag queen from up north, a country and western singer, a raffle and I've had a few more sequin looks made! Bona! Really hope you are able to make it down - I'm desperate for it to sell out so we can do more main house showing off! Lets queer up main houses - it's about time we left the sidelines of studio theatres!

60 tickets available - do your worst! http://www.roundhouse.org.uk/whats-on/2014/summer-sessions/camp-live/

In the words of a wise MC....Romeo done. 


In the summer of 2012 I debuted Camp at the Roundhouse as part of Circus Fest - it was my first show there since I was 15! I knew I wanted to create something my Mum could watch with her mates, surrounded by trendy lesbians, locals and those old enough to remember the 70's.

I dreamt up Camp on the bus. It was my coming out project, I wanted to expose my love for slightly naff, working class, knees up turns of yesteryear's variety circuit. 

I chose my very favourite performers from both the live art, variety and comedy world that I thought were/are pushing things forward and waited in the wings of the Roundhouse studio theatre.

Since then Camp has gone from strength to strength - we've done two seasons at Roundhouse, taken over my local tenants hall for a Christmas run, got 500 people to do the conga for a special NYE show, performed at every Bestival since and curated the opening party for MayFest!

Camp is my baby and I love it - I think it's like going to a local pub, drinking cheap booze with your friends whilst a fat Liberace look-a-like insults you with a smile. There's room for experimentation with a small e, the turns are fab and everyone ends up dancing or snogging each other! 

In a few weeks I take over the main house at Roundhouse. I've been given the chance to prove I've got what it takes to play with the big boys upstairs.

I've got 100's of bums on seats to flog and I need your help to spread the word. We're going from 120 seater to a 500+ seater! SCREAM! 

Please buy a ticket, tell a friend, do a tweet, put it on your wall - anything will really help us make Camp's explosion louder. I promise you a f**king brilliant show with a live band, some nice surprises and a raffle!

Camp is growing and I want you to come along for the ride! Hope to see you on the 9th, stay after for a shandy!

To get your juices going I've collected some of my favourite turns below. Enjoy!


Grandad Update

Thank you so much for funding Grandad's project! I'm pleased to say we met our target with just hours to go! Since the WeFund finished last month we've had to take a bit of a breather. Grandad's doctors have found some cancer cells and so he's been having lots of tests that make him tired. 

Nevertheless we've started work on his art career! Grandad kick started his practice on Friday last week by designing a t-shirt, badges and a poster! He also hosted the most genius live Q&A on twitter (@RealLGallagher) and decided he wanted to draw sheep, paint Lady Di, dance to his favourite song and have people visit him for cups of tea (performance art!).

The most exciting news is that we are working with a brilliant BAFTA nominated film maker who will be tracking Grandad's progress to artdom in the name of ageism! 

Over the next few months Grandad is going to be learning skills in drawing, painting, photographic and video work with professional artists. After that we will be tackling the tricky ageism card - a trip to Parliament is planned. 

We aim to produce as much work as possible and have a gallery show towards the end of this year. We are looking for a gallery that will give him his debut show and an art supplier to give us a load of professional pens and posh paper (he's really going through them!).

The few people who have seen his work think its inspired by David Shrigley - who knew?!

You can check some of his works in progress at http://realliamgallagher.co.uk

Thank you again for supporting him, he's really chuffed! 

Scottee. x 


Since time began I've had a show / club / thing to plug and waffle about but since the finale of Hamburger Queen I have been project-less. My work-ethic demon sat on my left shoulder is telling me I'm lazy, the angelic artist sat on my (stage) right shoulder is telling me to do a blog.

I've got lots on but none of it you can see yet, I've got to make it but there are ways you can get involved. Treat this blog like a job seekers diary - this is me telling you I'm doing stuff... honest.

Liam Gallagher is my Grandad
We officially start work on this on Friday when we will be joined by a film crew who will document the progress of Grandad's art career. His first task is to create some merch. Grandad will update you regularly using this blog but you can also follow him on Twitter - @RealLGallagher

I'm currently working up a regular spoken word night that launches on 12th September at Rich Mix. I've always been a bit of a closet poet but my dyslexia has held me back from kicking Pam Ayres to the curb. I thought for a long time that not being able to spell or see the words meant I couldn't write words that rhymed. I'm working on some dyslexic poetry that will only make sense to me. I'm looking for people who are not poets but are willing to recite their words in front of drunk people. Get in touch if that is you - info @ scottee. co. uk

I'm spending a lot of time making Camp camper! In August we are taking over the main house of Roundhouse with Camp (Live!) - all your favourite acts with the backing of a live band! Click here for a super secret link so you can get your hands on tickets before the general public do! We'll also be taking prime position at Bestival again this year (http://2014.bestival.net/line-up/artists/scottees-camp) as well as a special appearance at Summer Rites on 26th July. We have an epic NYE knees up planned with a super exciting headline act - early birds are on sale on 1st September! Stay tuned for regional and international appearances of Camp! If you'd like it in your home town drop us a line! 

Scottee inc.
We're just about to celebrate our first year! Holly Revell is currently cutting a video showing you all the things we've got up to. We are starting to prep our next big production that will be at RVT in September 2015 with UK and international dates following that.

Gender Agenda
I'm running a gender performance, week intensive, summer school at Roundhouse this August. If you want to give gender role play a go, learn how to build a character, create a face and short performance then apply. http://www.roundhouse.org.uk/young-creatives/holidays-2014/gender-agenda/

Kitchen Sink Drama
This autumn I'm curating a series of new writing events with IdeasTap. We're looking for new writers who have text based works that could be staged in the homes of arts big wigs. I'm looking for innovative work that play with form. Apply here - http://ideastap.com/Opportunities/Brief/Kitchen-Sink-Drama-010914#Overview

AIDF (Arts Council International Development Fund)
These four letters will only mean anything to you if you applied. I'm one of the lucky 55 artists from round 4 who are able to explore new work / partnerships overseas. I am revisiting Australia in September and October. During my time in Oz I'm going to be meeting local artists, performing 4 shows of Worst of Scottee and a few spots at some cabaret / performance nights and meeting a lot of people about a lot of things. Part of this grant means I'll be documenting my trip on here so you can be really jelz I'm somewhere hot.

and finally... I spent this weekend shooting with the incredible Matthew Brindle! Lots of lovely new press images to follow but heres a snap from Brindle's instagram to whet your whistle!

Thats your lot - If you are not happy with it by all means sit in a gallery and watch Marina Abramovic do nothing. 


Gay Pride is a day when people with peroxide blonde hair wear speedos whist blowing a whistle down Baker Street, an allocated day in the calendar you're allowed to be 'openly gay' on the streets of London. But it was once much more than a celebration of rainbow flags made in China: it used to be political.
Historically Pride was a rally that went past Greater London House, Houses of Parliament and Downing Street, usually the first Saturday in July to coincide with the anniversary of the Stonewall riots. Its aim was to push for political change, equal rights and highlight our community as a force to be reckoned with. This weekend the march will go past Selfridges, H&M and Burberry, taking a sharp left on Whitehall before it could even think about mincing past Downing Street.
Pride in London . London Pride / Pride London (whatever its been rebranded as after years of dodgy accounts) has been on a slippery slope after Labour's pink focused reign. The placard queers who fought for abolition of Section 28, equal age of consent, employment equality, legal recognition of our partnerships and equal marriage have achieved everything they fought for. We're now left without a fighting political agenda, and are faced with the reformation of Pride and a generation of young LGBT people who have grown up with reasonable equality.
Pride may not be fighting for anything but globally there is still a lot to fight for. Pride in London doesn't celebrate the previous battles for equality waged by an older generation of queers. Gay pride in London has no spunk or drive, it is limp and frivolous when it should be passionate, caring, referential and progressive. It lacks a message that a community and sponsors can support, or even enthuse the next generation to have a sense of ownership...not to mention real pride. The idea of Pride is bizarre and bi-polar: "accept us because we're the same as you... but we're also different". 
Before I lead you to believe Pride Day is a day of nothingness, Pride in London are planning making their voice heard on the issue of homosexual acceptance with a hashtag - #FreedomTo. I'm sure this sends a very strong message to those who throw ammonia in the faces of our brothers and sisters outside London nightclubs.
But my real beef is not with Pride but with the gays - a community whom I feel I have noting in common with. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth socialising with those whose online profiles read 'No Fats, No Femmes, No Asians'. No different to the signs that read 'No Black, No Irish, No Dogs' when my Grandad arrived in this country. 

I've never been accepted by 'the gay gays' - I don't look like them, wear the same clothes or listen to the music they listening to. I'm politically engaged, they like Madonna and that I think is the problem - to me the gays are they and not us. I am not them, they are other.
Pride for me is about exercising my equality and so I won't be attending the parade this year. I'm fine being a homosexual any day of the year, I don't need a whistle to prove it.


My brain hurts! For the past 72 hours I've done nothing but meet people about new projects, scan the internet for various curtains, carpets, props, shapes and how to's, bought stuff that I won't need for months and generally stared into space - why? I've got too many ideas and I've lost the remote control for it.

I'm writing this blog to give my mind some respite from the possibilities, my thoughts are racing ahead and it's difficult to slow them down or order them. I'm excited but I'm also anxious, I'm eager to articulate myself but attempting to distance myself and critic my actions.

This is what I call The Creative Brain - the thing that instinctively tells me how to make work, how I know it should look and why the decision to make the thing is a good one.

Sometimes The Creative Brain is out of control - I spent many years trying to numb this part of me with booze, drugs, food and avoidance. I think this is why so many artists are addicts - abusing yourself slows shit down, allowing you to be a bit normal (well that's what you think at the time). 

The Creative Brain can also turn you into a recluse - I don't like being around people, I prefer to be lost in my thoughts. I hate it when the phone rings.

It can make you anxious - sometimes I'm worried people won't like my new ideas, yesterday I almost tweeted 'is my art good enough?' but realised it would make me sound like a cunt. 

I think all artists worry - a wise man once told it was because our work is our identity, if we worked in chip shops and the chips weren't to every ones taste it wouldn't reflect badly on that person as a person - make shit art and you are a shit person.

To top it all I've realised how much my dyslexia interferes with my life too - I find spelling, sums and reading difficult. My brain wants to tell you its 10am when intact its 2pm. I can't tell my left from right and I need to take a notepad everywhere or I forget everything. Dates are my worst nightmare - I can't tell you what's happening tomorrow without looking at my iCal. Oh and you have to put up with people saying your a terrible speller or the ; use was incorrect (My boyfriend is the worst - he thinks if I look it up in a dictionary my dyslexia might be cured).

All this coupled with The Creative Brain is exhausting but I've learnt some coping mechanisms. When I need to write, lying on my belly helps me concentrate and the best time to do this is first thing in the morning. My email footer 'I'm dyslexic so this email might not make sense and have spelling errors.' tells the world its OK if you have no idea what I'm on about. Working! Working keeps me sane.

I'm also left handed - nightmare. 

To recap - My brains symptoms include behavioural difficulties, agoraphobia, addiction, anxiety, depression and dyslexia. No wonder artists are fucking difficult creatures.

I guess I am telling you this because it's a useful insight into how some artists think. It's a public declaration from my body to my brain to say 'I know what you're up to'. Its me telling myself to try and find the off button.. maybe the stand by button sounds less dramatic.

I think I'm starting to think about making something about dyslexia.

Am I alone? You tell me... but before that I've got to make this bigger, read it 10 times, remove the repeat words, get it to make sense, spell check, hover over the publish button for 10 minutes and hope for the best. 

Happy weekend kids.


An Open Letter to Katie Hopkins

Dear @KThopkins,

Whilst having a nose at some sensible news this morning I found a story on the Indy that bought your column for The Scum to my attention. 

Now you are no stranger to controversy and unlike others I don't particularly feel the need for you to be silenced. We live in a brilliant society where even ex-reality stars who shop at Waitrose but write for tabloids are allowed to air their views. 

To some you are the most hated, to a select demographic of UKIP supporters you are the second coming.  

I'm rarely annoyed by you, your comments are never substantial enough for me to really worry and I understand the game you are playing, you are not the devil but you are it's advocate.  

I've tried really hard to read between the lines of your piece, I know you are one of these new journo types, dreaming up controversial statements in response to yesterdays news in the hope Sky will give you £250 for going on to read the news papers. 

Assisted suicide is a tricky subject that isn't cut and dry but I think you've let your ageist valves slip instead of tackling the real issue at hand.

We live in a society where elders are often ignored, often patronised by people like you, whom I presume have never had a family member with dementia. 

My English Grandfather past away 10 years ago, in the last 3 years of his life his memory left him, the result of him being knocked off his bicycle by a London Bus. He was an independent man who fought in WW2, lived to tell the tale and did 35 years for the Post Office. Of course he needed extra support and forgot who many people were but he always remembered me, his time as a post man and continued to remained quiet about WW2. Should I have hit him with a hammer as you suggest in your column?

Your comments towards elders are not shocking but worrying - “Society has tried giving old people the hint that they are not wanted”. 

I want to ask you if you think an older person is more or less likely to face ageism as a result of your column? Do you think people are more likely to be aggressive towards older people as a result of your word count? Are you aware of the power your words have with those who buy into the red top culture? These attitudes towards elders will have a detrimental effect on you in years to come, whats more: women are more likely to develop dementia.

By separating society and older people you obviously think they are not the same, older people are other. If there is anything I've learnt from your rants - you are afraid of the other.

I am currently attempting to turn my Grandad in to an artist to fight ageism, he like you thinks he should die at 80 to make way for new generations and free up NHS resources - an opinion I think has been fed to him by the predominately ageist society we live in, but unlike you he doesn't believe society doesn't want him or that he has nothing to give.

I am asking you to visit him, have a cup of tea and perhaps change your attitudes towards older people. Ignorance is bliss but I dare you to take the afternoon off trolling Lily Allen and rethink your stance. 



I’ve always felt a bit weird asking for money, it’s that working class chip on my shoulder that says ‘if you can’t make your own way then you are in the wrong game’ but increasingly asking for the dollar has become a normal part of my working day.

Whether applying for funding from the Arts Council, justifying my charity status to the charity commission or crowd funding I have become the arts equivalent of a charity street mugger.

As government funding pots for the arts shrink and local government arts budgets cut we are being encouraged by Arts Council England and local authorities to find alternative funding streams, many of us have began to crowd fund our ideas.

My idea is to equip my Grandad with skills in making art so he can develop work that addresses ageism and the invisibility of people over 60 in the UK and Ireland. I tried getting money from Arts Council England but it didn’t tickle their fancy (too many unknowns – I get that), Arts Council Ireland won’t fund it because Grandad has lived in London for too long. I even approached a festival in Northern Ireland who said it wasn't queer enough. Crowd funding was my only option.

Crowd funding campaigns require a lot of time, energy and content but most importantly they need to be the right sort of project. They need to enthuse, engage and stimulate an audience to part with a tenner or more. Last month I set up my idea on WeFund with a project I thought would do just that.

Stephen Fry, Rankin and even a Loose Woman have all tweeted about the project (Tracey Emin was too busy to tweet about it, apparently). It’s been in the local posh paper and on one of Irelands biggest websites (receiving 20,000 hits on there alone). I’ve taken out Facebook adverts, people have shared pictures of my Grandad over 150 times, its been retweeted to an inch of its life and after a 21 day campaign I’ve rustled up just 29% of the funding with 10 days to find £4,300. If I don't reach the £5.8k target I don't receive any of the donations.

I’m not sure why my crowd funder hasn’t captured the imaginations of the masses - a friend of mine who was looking for £10k received almost £30k to make a coffee table book about sexy ginger men.

I started to think ‘what have I done wrong?’ I relooked at my campaign, tweaked, rehashed, up’d my game and Facebook budget – still no donations.

I began to wonder if the people who this would feel important to, the over 60’s used the internet. Perhaps the fact the UK is amongst the worst countries in Europe for ageism has something to do with it – Or maybe people just don’t like the sound of my idea?

This got me thinking about the increasing popularity of funding work like this. If crowd funding becomes commonplace what does this do for the arts? Do we become those people on Dragons Den who are all trying to invent the next Dyson? Does the work become beige, sterile, profit driven and safe? Do we all start making work about sexy ginger people?

Yesterday I pitched an article to Guardian to address the above but using bigger words - their response was ‘we can't really run a failure piece unless it's failed’, they went on to mention how it could look like I was attempting to save my bacon. I told them I was OK with that, of course the reason why I want to write something for nothing and spend a working day doing it is to somehow stop me rocking up to my Grandad’s flat saying I’m sorry.

Deflated, confused and facing the possibility of failure I decided to run home to Mum’s to assess the damage.

I don’t want this blog to sound like a complete moan fest. Read it as a warning for any one thinking of getting into this murky world of ‘please…’. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions that will have you pressing the refresh button 8 hours a day.

This process has turned me into a mental person. I’m comparing my own campaigns with others, checking out who has funded who and which of my friends have ignored it all; I’ve even invented scenarios in my head of confrontations with them. Weird.

Online philanthropy isn't the cheque writing, PayPal giving game of Victoriana. If you are considering getting a crowd to fund you make sure your idea is accessible enough for people to give a shit. A straight forward ‘this is a book’ works because the confrontation is minimal, and you’ll get a book if you donate enough.

Tonight I have a list of pubs to call that my Grandad used to frequent, Friday I am on BBC London, Mum is trying to encourage the 1000 of Gallaghers in Ireland to donate and I’m going to sell my records and turn table on EBay to raise a few quid - all is not lost.

Whatever happens next I need to know I’ve done all I can - I won’t give up with out a fight. Passion, shamelessness and determination are crowd funding’s real currency.

Be prepared for failure, be surprised by success.


Before I left the UK Grandad and I sat down with a nice box of biscuits and drafted some ideas about the art I could help him create. I have put it in art talk below so it sounds nice...

- Write a song with Bourgeois & Maurice about Grandad's love of the Irish country music shopping channel

- Photographic project of Grandad in Nanny's clothes

- 1 on 1 performance where audience visit Grandad's balcony, listening to his thoughts on the world whilst having a cup of tea. Call it sometime about optimism rubbing off

- 1 on 1 performance where you follow Grandad around and observe how the work interact with him

- Text based piece on the things Grandad thinks about - his thoughts on being old and dying are especially special 

- Sound tour that will visit Irish centres, arts spaces and care homes across the UK and Ireland that will explore Grandad's love of story telling, focusing on his early life.

- Write and create a concept album

- Video project documenting Grandad's jokes and their origins (in a pub in 1975 etc.)

- Have a cup of tea and slice of lemon drizzle with a famous artist, a politician and a member of the Royal Family - call it a workshop

- Set up Liam Gallagher social media, become a twitter approved tweeter and get a following. Verbatim tweets and anti-ageism campaigning

- Make a jacket collaborating with Lee Benjamin with slogan 'I'M NOT HARD OF HEARING OR LOOSING MY MIND' - Grandad to wear to the doctors surgery 

- Get Grandad to talk at a seminar for GP's and doctors about how to communicate with older people 

- Get Grandad nominated for the Turner prize, MBE or something with an award ceremony 

We also drafted some aims...

- Demystify and radicalise the idea of old

- Make those over 60 more visible (and not with high vis jacket)

- Encourage and enable elders to do similar projects of their own

- Tackle ageism in a optimistic, proactive way

- Share knowledge, wisdom and optimism

- Create good work that reaches past the East London art circle of shame

- Help the arts to adapt to working with an older so projects like these become common place until ageism becomes historical.

We have 14 days to go and just under £4k to find. Please do all you can to help us make this stuff happen. If we don't reach our goal we don't get any of the donations.